In praise of apathy

My first foray into satire, which will doubtless be read by someone as an endorsement of the views I express herein, instead of what I actually intend, which is not that.
Posted on November 20, 2021
Tags: satire

Do not think. What is the point? At best you may have an original idea; but more likely your ideas will be wrong, or have been thought before, by better people than you. Regardless, undirected thought is likely to interfere with the pursuit of pecuniary profit. If you absolutely must think about something, think about business and money.

Do not care - it is tiring. Especially, do not care for people. It is neither in your, nor in their interest, as it will interfere with your ability to make money, which is good for everyone. Focus rather on ‘solving problems’. These solutions should be pragmatic, and ‘scalable’. ‘Scalable’ is a synonym for ‘very profitable’, which is good. If your solution is scalable other very good people will generously give you money to implement it, so that you may succeed in business, which is good, and then everyone will know how good you are, which is success, and therefore good.

Do not make the mistake of reading for enjoyment. It will ruin your eyesight and undermine your ambition. If you must read, read business books, which will tell you what success is, or pithy essays such as this which aim to lead you from error.

Do not love science or philosophy except to the extent that they help you turn a profit.

Do not vote; it does not matter anyway, since democracy is a lie. When you have enough capital you can buy the love of however much of the world you can afford, and use this love to further shape the world to your will. That is basically democracy, since democracy really means ‘capitalism’.

Do not play; you are not a child. Instead, drink heavily; this will assuage your resentment towards those that are above you in the social hierarchy. While you’re at it, you might as well drive very fast.

Do not believe anything held to be true by the elderly; their wits have been addled by the nearness of death, and their opinions are no more valid than their experiences.

Forget all the stories. Of what use are they? They have been rendered obsolete by new mediums, and anyway, there are only like seven of them.

If you find that despite your better judgement you have the need to take some type of action, strike down those who fail to conform, or who use the wrong words; these are good deeds.

Make loud noises and run around on all fours. Howl at the moon and rend your prey. Shit wherever you want.

Raise an altar to success, and worship it. We are living at the end of history - everything that is possible is permitted, and therefore good.